Dylan's Witticisms

When I started this blog I had promised myself that I would start recording the unique and entertaining expressions that Dylan creates which I refer to as "Dylan's Witticisms". I must admit sometimes he reminds me of a young Oscar Wilde (minus the buggery charges).

• Dylan, age 3, watching sparkling sunlight reflections bouncing off a lake and stating, "Look at the sunshine drops".
• Age 3, looking at me sternly and saying, "I'm giving you the eagle eye" (he had not yet learned the concept of EVIL eye).
• Pointing to the large screen TV which has his Pokemon show on pause and exclaiming, "Ahhhh, my Mona Lisa".
• Dylan tries to interest me in his massively complex Bionicle characters when I say I am not that interested and he replies, "Maybe we can participate in the TV show WIFESWAP and I can swap you for a mommy who likes Bionicles".
• While looking at a kid doing skateboarding tricks Dylan noted, "That kid knows how to put the "A" in "Awesome!"
• After viewing all the wonderful ice sculptures in Ottawa during Winterlude Dylan exclaims, "Man this place is ICE-TOPIA"
• I explained to Dylan the meaning of abbreviated titles such as "mommy is an R.N. which mean Registered Nurse". Dylan said, "You mean Registered Nag."
• I have refused to purchase any form of video games for Dylan. Recently, he has become more insistent on his right to own a video game unit. For this birthday, Dylan turned to be and said, "Mommy you have two choices, either you can buy a Nintendo DS or a Playstation." When I declined either option, without missing a beat he stated, "Then Mommy, you two choices, either you can get me a VISA card or a credit card."
• Around Easter time Dylan was discussing the characters in his Bionicle book. He stated, "Mommy, I don't like how one of the Bionicles had to give up his life to save all of the other Bionicles." I thought this was a good segway into the discussion of Easter and noted the REAL sacrifice that Jesus made with his life to save all of mankind. Dylan looked at me and said, "You know, there has never been any evidence to support that." Boy did I send him packing back to Sunday School that weekend!

What will the neighbours think?

When I was growing up my mother had few discipline methods available. I think I was hit by her hand twice in my lifetime. My mother's favourite admonishment would be to exclaim "What will the neighbours think?!"

Appearance was very very important to mom. She prided herself for always wearing stockings, even in the middle of August. She was the only woman on our street who never wore her hair in curlers out in public. And, she would always wear her lipstick. Mom believed in buying quality. She was thrifty with her money and would buy very little for herself...but when she did buy something it was always the best quality.

Good manners, nice appearance, respectable behaviour were tandamount to mom. So, if I was out of line on any of the above I would here her plea, "What will the neighbours think?'

At age 13, if I wanted to wear nail polish I would hear, "What will the neighbours think? (i.e. do you want to look like a slut). If I wanted to spend my allowance on many cheap quality clothing items instead of one good-quality I would hear "what will the neighbours think? Sunbathing in the backyard in a bikini? (you know the rest).

All of this was quite amusing to me because in all honesty we didn't know most of our neighbours...or a least we didn't know them well. And yet they, and all of society, held this pull over my mother that ensured a sense of decorum in all that she did and said in public.

Of course as a teenager I soon began to rebel against my mother's restrictions and yelled back "I don't care what anyone thinks" and I would prance around to show my disdane temporarily.

However, I must admit mom's carjoling had an effect on me and I think I was a pretty trouble-free adolescent. I know that I still try to keep my behaviour in check in public and I am constantly admonishing teenagers around me for a) swearing in public b) littering c) loudness.

But, the other day I couldn't help but laugh at myself. Dylan was enjoying the brief day of sunshine and in pleasure he tilted his head back and sang at the top of his voice. Without thinking I stopped him by saying, "Dylan, what will the neighbours think?" Yikes....the next generation.

Chicks Road Trip to Calgary!!

Every so often it is great to get away with just "the girls". This is becoming harder to do as several have moved out of the city. So, we decided to have a weekend together in Calgary to see Kelly's new home and to spend some time skiing in Banff. Kelly has given up her fast-paced downtown Toronto lifestyle for the scenic, relaxed atmosphere in Calgary. She and her man Shawn have have recently added a Laborador puppy to their household (along with 6-year old Dooley). They live beside a provincial park and are in a wonderful location for hiking, bike trails, skiing etc... I must admit I was quite envious of their new lifestyle.Kelly with Dooley and Darby

We spent one day touring Canmore and Banff. These towns are sooooo beautiful with the Rocky Mountains as a backdrop and friendly shops in their downtown. Everyone is so fit! They were all dressed in their dry-wick clothing and bike shoes etc.... It was inspiring to be in this atmosphere.

Along the way we saw elk grazing, prairie dogs (gophers) popping from their holes to look around and beautiful birds.

We saw the mountain peaks called "The Three Sisters" and we saw a mountain that looks like a sleeping woman (believed by the original native indians to embody the female spirit). Although I couldn't take a picture of it you can trust me that it truly looked like a woman in a reclining position with her face pointing towards the sky and her nipple and abdomen on display. We stopped at Johnson Lake for a rest.

The Three Sisters Mountain Peaks

Our visit was way too short as I would have loved to spend
more time touring around Banff and Canmore and go onwards to Jasper and the Columbia Ice Fields. However, we are planning a family visit in the summer time so it won't be long before I am back in beautiful Alberta.

The next day we went skiing at Sunshine Village. The day started out sunny, we had an ice pellet storm mid-day and we ended the last 15 minutes in rain. A very all-round climatic day. What a nice start to the day with my Starbucks in hand and a lovely 20-min gondola ride to the start of the mountain!

The gondola ride to the start of the mountain

What's neat about Sunshine Village is that part of the mountain lies in the province of Alberta and part lies in the province of British Columbia. It was surprising to see a "Welcome to British Columbia" sign halfway up a chair lift. Overall it was a great day skiing. Only Krista and I opted to do the 20min ski-out while the others downloaded with the gondola. In the end they were the ones laughing as we skied in the rain.

Unfortunately, Heather strained her knee on the third run and missed most of the day (but it made for a great photo-op!)

That night, and every night, Kelly cooked us amazing gourmet meals with Thai chicken curry, maple syrup infused chicken, Korean beef roll-ups, etc...Kelly certainly knows how to entertain and what is so impressive is that she does it seamlessly for such a large group! We had an opportunity to visit her Farmers Market where we all indulged in purchases to bring home for souvenirs such as Rocky Mountain salt soap, Agate mineral set in glass, Geode jewellry etc...

The final highlight of the trip was to meet her coolest neighbours in the world. Terry is a collector and distributer of fossils. In his garage he stores his treasures including a $250,000 fossilized icthyosaurus and multiple ammonites and mammoth tusks. Indeed, he currently holds one of the worlds most beautiful mammoth tusks (which has been sold to a New York museum). This tusk has many blue striations which is unusual and valuable.

Woolly mammoth tusk with blue striations

It was interesting to see the many tusk pieces in his collection which had not yet been restored. Indeed, they looked like dried out driftwood. Terry purchases his pieces from Russian and German farmers who find them buried in their fields.

Unrestored mammoth tusks

The restoration of the icthyosaurus took him 4 months of 10-hour days of painstaking sanding. I can't wait for Dylan to see his collection when we return in the summer!

Ammonite fossil

We can't wait to plan our chicks trip to out west next year. Kelly.....maybe will it be for a wedding???????

Mum Thomas' 70th Birthday

Mrs. Thomas' birthday is on April 22th. However, as she and dad were staying in Toronto to babysit Dylan we had an early celebration at our house. We started with a bbq dinner.

And, as Dylan once said on his TV show, "a birthday party needs a tug-of-war and a pinata." I left out the tug-of-war but we did string up a pinata in the basement. Both mum and Dylan took turns on it until it finally gave up its treasures.

School Trip

I accompanied Dylan's class to a textile museum. We travelled by streetcar to a downtown location (managing 22 children on transit is like herding cats).

Once we were at the museum we were treated to a tour of various textiles from around the world. At the end, the children could sit at a loom and weave a piece of cloth.

Bizarre Emergency Cases 2007 - first quarter

Back......due to popular demand are Bizarre Emergency Cases which presented at our emergency department.

But I'm Innocent....
A gunshot victim was rushed to our trauma centre while maintaining the fact that he was "just an innocent bystander". Unfortunately the bullet had hit his spinal cord and he arrived a paraplegic. As we log-rolled him and and the physician stuck a finger up his rectum to check for rectal tone, a gram of cocaine was removed. Innocent bystander my a_ _!

A homosexual male presented in an obvious drug and alcohol state very concerned that he had ripped all his stitches inside his mouth from a jaw fracture surgically repaired one week ago. He was all weepy that he couldn’t feel the stitches anymore and after prodding admitted that the reason he felt he had ripped them out was because of aggressive oral sex (he was the initiator not the initiatee). After letting him sweat it out for awhile I gently reminded him that he would have had dissolvable sutures.

An HIV +ve male was conducting safe sex with the use of a dildo when his butterfingers partner accidentally let go of the toy in his rectum. This man was mortified at having to come to emerg and, as in many of these cases, was seen by a surgeon and scheduled to have the dildo surgically removed in the morning (the rectum creates a type of suction which makes extraction of anally-inserted objects almost impossible without sedation and surgical intervention). Well, by morning he complained to me that he felt like he needed to defecate. I told him to go for it and PUSH. Much to his, and the taxpayers delight, he excreted a 7inch red rubber dildo.

A young male HIV +ve male presented with a one week history of fatigue and sudden jaundice. His family doctor had done a blood test and sent him straight to Emerg. This poor man had extremely elevated liver enzymes (suggesting liver damage). On examination he confided to me that he had injected anabolic steroids as a weightlifter. He had also doubled his dose of an herbal liver toxin flush and kidney toxin flush. He was admitted for further investigations/treatment so I am not aware which of the above substances may have caused this state. His case was also referred to the Poison Control Centre for analysis. He was an interesting but sad case.

An executive presented to emerg with jaundice and strep throat for one week. This man said he had been too busy to see his family doctor for his sore throat so he had been taking Tylenol tablets every 2 hours to help with the pain. Now he had been dragged in by his partner who had noticed that he was jaundiced (the man was as yellow as a post-it note). Liver function tests confirmed that his Tylenol blood levels were toxic and that he was in a state of severe liver dysfunction. What was bizarre about this case was that, when presented with this information, the man said he was too busy to stay for treatment (i.e. 24-hours drug therapy to remove the Tylenol from his liver). The man was warned that he could actually die within one week as his liver was extremely compromised. It took a lot of coaxing but I finally had him convinced to stay for 2 hours, then 4 hours, then 8 hours (and then I had to leave).

A Case of Mistaken Priorities...
A 53 year old male presented with 24h of upper back pain and left sided chest pain. He had come to the emergency department requesting analgesics for the pain. An ECG and blood test showed that he had had a large myocardial infarction (heart attack). And, the concern was that on top of the heart attack he may be having an aortic dissection. He was moved to in front of the nurses's desk and referred to cardiology for a stat ICU admission and for a stat CT scan of the chest. Much to our surprise, when he learned that he was being admitted he took off all his ECG leads and said "I wasn't planning for this and I don't have time to come into the hospital. Just give me my painkillers and I will go." The cardiologist, the emergency doctor and myself BEGGED him to stay stating that if he left he risked sudden death within the next 48 hours. All the of the risks and concerns were explained to him but he insisted that he wanted to leave. On top of this we had to revoke his drivers license because the risk was too great that he would die driving. In the end, he tore out his IVs and left by taxi. There was nothing we could do because he was of competent mind and could form his own decisions. I wonder what happened to him......

A Love Story...
A 26 year old black female ex-hooker presented to the emergency department for a blood test. She was a previous heroin user but currently on methadone to quit her addiction.

Sasha didn't "look or act" like your typical ex-heroin users. She was well dressed, articulate, humourous, cheerful and not at all manipulative. She had been sent in by one of our ER doctors who also works at the methadone clinic for drug users. She needed a pregnancy and potassium blood test. As she jokingly guided us as to where one her last usable veins for venipuncture existed (iv drug users are notorious for having sclerosed, unusable veins) she told us a bit about her story. She was a honours high school student who made some bad choices out of school. She became a hooker and took heroine to help her deal with her clients. One day in her apartment elevator, a man asked her if she wanted to "visit the roof with him" (there was a rooftop patio). Naturally she assumed he wanted a trick and she was shocked to discover that he just wanted to talk...have a date. It turns out he was a widow with two small children. They are now engaged and she is fully committed to kicking her heroin addiction. I must admit, I tend to be very pessimistic about ex-drug users but my gut (and my hope) truly feel that she is on the right path. Best of luck Sasha!

Dylan's 8th Birthday

Dylan will be turning 8 years old on April 13th. Unfortunately, on that date, I will be away skiing in Banff and Andrew will be away on business in Las Vegas. So, we held his birthday party one week early.

On Good Friday we went for dinner to my sister's house and we had a small celebration for Dylan. My father and his wife joined us for cake and present exchange.

Dylan and his cousin Sarah

Dylan being congratulated by Auntie Sandra

The next day we had a "BIONICLE" Birthday party at our house for seven boys. We stuck a Bionicle on a cake and then we made up several new games including: Visorak's web, Identify the Bionicle and the Metru Nui Bean Bag Toss. The grand finale was a scavenger hunt for which I wrote all the clues using the Matoran Alphabet. Whew! That bought us about 1/2 hour of silence as the boys deciphered the clues with and raced to solve the riddle!

Easter Seals Telethon

Every year Kelly writes/produces the 24-hour Easter Seals Telethon which airs on CBC. Although she has moved to Calgary, CBC still flew her in to do her part. As usual, Kelly puts our names on the guest list to visit the studio during the show. I had to work and could not go but Kelly arranged passes for Andrew/Dylan and my sister and her family.

The grand finale of the telethon was the cast from the muscial production "We Will Rock You" which is a tribute to the music of QUEEN.

Kelly stayed at our house for one night and Dylan was delighted to spend time again with his godmother. This summer Dylan, Andrew, my sister and family are all travelling to Calgary to spend time with Kelly. We plan to visit the dinosaur digs in Drumheller and check out the mountains of Banff and the icy fields of Columbia Plains.

March Break 2007

We had a great March Break this year. Matt came down from Iowa to visit us for awhile and we went to the chalet in Collingwood with my sister and family.

Matt, Dylan and Andrew spent a great day skiing.

Meanwhile, me and the gang visited the Blue Mountain village and ate Beaver Tails and poured maple syrup on snow (to make maple taffy).

We spent our day hiking on the suspension bridge....

....and we spent our nights playing many rousing games of Cranium and other board games.

Acting out one of the skits

Dylan and Andrew drawing their next clue